Maybe its me, maybe its my fault they sit there waiting, watching. Contemplating my every move and observing my every desire.
They watch the pulse on my neck with intent, knowing the quickening of its tempo gives my true feelings away, licking the sweat from my brow as they taste my fears and ingest my terrors. They know me and chuckle with glee at the wild movements in my eyes as I search for protection.
She sits in the hay field, her sanctuary of threaded golden carpet that is surrounded by the dark forest. She watches the faceless figures moving through the thicket, feeding on her fears and cackling at her struggles. How is it they know when she is at her weakest and only then choose to attack with such ferocity.
The cuts they have left are deep on her skin, the scars have become ragged and raised in their attempts to heal. She scratches at them, digging her nails in deep in an attempt to flatten them, ignoring the pain trying with all her will to heal what has been left behind.
Her ears pick up as she hears them move once again, they slither through the dense undergrowth so as to keep her in their sights, their teeth bared dripping with contempt, the stench of loathing towards her permeates the air. They conceal themselves from her but flourish in the glory that she knows they are always there.
Fear crawls across her skin and snakes into her being, but something else has begun to uncoil within her, she feels it stretch out inside her and fight its way to the surface. Unsure at first as to what has begun to happen she strains, and questions whether she heard it, so weak it is but a gentle whisper. Then she realises that indeed there is a voice, a single word revealed so quietly that a breeze could carry it away, but it is there and it says,”enough”….
Tension awakens her muscles as she sits up straight and realises she knows this voice, it is her own, no longer a gentle whisper hidden in her thoughts but that of a fearsome creature. It at last comes to the surface, this new confidence and strength. Facing the dark forest in which she knows they lay, a thunderous eruption comes from deep within her “ENOUGH”.
The silence left in the wake of this single word is deafening. They are unsettled now, a fear sits with them at the unexpected strength that has clambered from deep within her.
Pulling herself upright she now faces the forest, strong in her own standing with a new knowledge. She steps forward closer to the boundaries and breathes deep,” You have been shielded and obscured yourself from within your forest“, she utters “and I have veiled myself in my sanctuary for long enough, I am afraid and will always hold fear, but without fear there is no courage and with my courage I can face you, my demons. I will walk through you, past you and beyond this dark forest. I am the caretaker of my own strength and I am strong”.
Stepping forward she walks powerfully toward the forest and hears her demons retreat in a spineless escape. No longer is she frozen in fear, no longer do they hold a power over her. Pausing at the boundary edge she thinks “Was it them that have held me in my sanctuary for so long, or have I been my own sentinel?”.
Looking past the trees she watches a new sunrise, breaking the dark skies to herald a new day. In the distance she hears voices, long lost to her calling her name. “I am here” she replies “I was lost, but now I return……….”