I am safe, I am trusting on our great land. In a life I walked a path that was my own. I saw love lost and lost love. I thread the paths of my ancestors, where tears were shed and … Continue reading
The heavy grey fog rolled out across the land, its icy fingers and long talon like nails clawing in the soil, probing, digging deep…..searching for what was lost to them. Those that were caught in its path shivered and were … Continue reading
Call me Dreamer,
for when I dream I walk through the universe
and touch the stars.
…..driving along in my little vehicle on this gorgeous day, front windows down air gushing through…heaven you would think….you would be wrong.
A large brown object flies through the open window at speed!!!!!
Startled as I am, I manage to manoeuvre to a screeching stop (due to my friggin awesome driving skills).
Admittedly I screamed on a constant and so loud the sound barrier was broken and locals were deafened.
Leaping out of my car I hit the ground running still screaming, until I see it….it’s big…it’s huge….it’s a leaf, yes a bloody leaf.
I unceremoniously grab this kamikaze freak of nature and say a few choice words as I remove it from my vehicle.
At this point I gain my composure, only to realise I have an audience, a lovely little family out for a stroll.
Me!! All I could say was ‘ bloody leaf scared the shite out of me’.
I at this point remove myself from their company.
All in all its been a day of learning
In her own time, in her own mind, she can be finally free.
Closing her eyes and retreating into a world of infinite possibilities becomes her daily escape.
It is here she utters words that refuse to pass her lips and find form. This is where she can become the person she dreams to be. A warrior of her own heart, marching to a beat that sustains her cherished life.
Questions are always present. Why can I not be this person in my waking world? Why does my strength flee in fear when confrontation battles me? Where do I hide?
Opening her eyes she sees the evening light disappear, the blanket of a dark starry night will cover what is left of the day.
‘Tomorrow will come, a day will happen and my dreams will still be there for me.’
‘There will be a time when I need not close my eyes to dream, what I foretell in my mind will be real’… she sighs.
Until then, tomorrow will waken the days, the nights will darken the land and the stars will shine.
My lady’s dreams will exist.
They are not really afraid and will not abandon her….they will wait, breath and live. Prepared for her destiny, she will be born again.
Lightly running his fingers through her hair he watches her chest raise and fall in a slow methodical manner.
The moment she took the secretarial job in his fathers office he knew he had to have her.
Tentatively running his index finger across her now bare shoulder he reminisces on a history that he has created with her.
It was almost fourteen months ago to the day that he was introduced to Kate, he could initially see his fathers reasoning behind hiring her. She possessed the darkest brown eyes he had ever seen, he felt like he was drowning in liquorice pools when she looked at him, her long raven hair fell softly towards the curve of her back. When he ran his eyes over her exquisitely toned body he had dark thoughts, they forged unintelligible words in his head that would or could not cross his lips.
It was interesting to watch the way they drooled over her, often sitting at his desk he would see their eyes follow Kate across the room, even the other ladies in the office started to dress up more, cover themselves in imitation designer perfumes, and limp around in stiletto heels that made them look like baby elephants on a tight rope.
Tailored well fitted suits were his normal attire for work, they fit his body so as to show his muscular frame bursting from within, slick hair cut on a fortnightly basis and expensive aftershave were his trademarks. He worked as hard on himself as he did in the office, liking things to be clean and organised was always a good thing when you were surrounded by vermin, ones he was forced to be around on a daily basis.
Kate was the first thing he had wanted since Chloe, yes Chloe, she had been very good, he had taken what he needed from her. Missing her was an unfortunate side effect but he had filled his lust with whatever he could have. Paying for services had never been an issue, they ran a business as efficiently as he did and both parties benefited from the transaction.
Keeping his lust for Kate secret in the office was easy, he was far from stupid, paying her as much attention as he did the others gave no signal to his plans.
Sanctioning a staff night at The Manor Pub was always going to work in his favour, his plan was constructed months ago so as he could have his time alone with her. Offering a few hours overtime was just the incentive she needed.
Kate was so lost in her work that she was unaware of his approach from behind, covering her nose and mouth with a chemically soaked rag rendered her unconscious. Moving quickly he lifted her limp figure over his shoulder and swiftly moved towards the service elevator that would take him to the underground car park. It really was terribly unfortunate that vandals had destroyed the surveillance system two nights previous,’ Who would do such a thing?’ he had said to his father.
He bundles her into the back of his five series BMW and covers her slight frame in an old blanket, his movements were perfectly premeditated.
Bringing her home he expertly carries her to his prepared room, using cable ties to bind her to his bed he allowes the chemicals to keep her in a deep slumber. His plan was faultless, it would give him the opportunity to make an appearance at The Manor.
Being forced to smile and pretend he enjoyed their company was painful, but knowing she was waiting for him was truly torturous, his craving for her continued to build but, he was a patient man. Protecting himself was the priority and establishing an alibi took precedence over his desires.
Leaving them when they were sufficiently drunk ensured they would have impaired memories of whom was there, when they left or if they ever actually did.
Kate never regains consciousness, he is a twisted individual, even by his own standards. Enjoying his time on her, he relishes in the cuts that run deep on her now ruined body, running his fingers on the ragged flesh the blade has left behind. He watches as the blood pools on the floor beneath and spreads itself out as if looking for its dieing host.
Laying beside her he listens, her breathing becoming laboured, a gargling rises from somewhere deep within, her chest becomes still as life departs. This is where he truly loves her, but she has left him, just like Chloe.
It has been seven weeks since Kates disappearance, unable to hold her secretarial position open any longer his father has filled it.
The office door opens and a beautiful slim redhead walks in, the vermin all look and he can see their want for her already. Consuming her with his eyes he thinks….. ‘I will be loving you dearest’
Possibly thinking the worst thoughts can be the best thing for you. Create the worst scenario in your mind, close your eyes and play it in all its glory. Watch how bad it truly becomes, focus on the blacks and greys that multiply to engulf you. They make your situation completely hopeless and all your fears warranted.
Have you destroyed your self worth yet? What pit have you shovelled your confidence in?
The creation of your own fears has penetrated the very part that sustains your strength. Your fears…your creative darkened mind…your own incredible self.
We all have the capability of becoming lost in our own darkness. No matter who you are you will have fears, you will encounter bullies and you will walk in those places where your own thoughts torture you.
Learning to open your eyes and gaining respect for yourself can be the longest journey, but realising that you are lost allows you to be found.
It is in our darkest moments that we see the gentle flicker of hope. It will sadly mean that you may need the shadowed spaces to see light. It is here that you will set your roots deep, your strength found, you will grow, renewed by that hope, you shall reach higher and become stronger as you realise that towards the light lies the true you. A celestial storm bringing light to others in darkness.
Trust in yourself, for, although you were covered by that darkness, it was only then that you could see the light.
….and then she began to breath, her eyes opened at last to the realisation that there was nothing she could do to change it.
She could either stay in the darkness and be harressed and constantly watched by the demon that wanted to destroy her or, she could gather her strength and pull herself from this hell she was in.
She would never return to that place, the
demon could stay in his hell while she, and what she truly loved continued a life of hope……
The blood moon lit the gentle flowing waters, the beat of the waves washing the shore and the figure lying on the edge.
She stirred as the icy waters crept further up her legs, the tides resiliently moving forward to claim the beach. Managing to open her eyes she immediately felt the excruciating pain resounding in her head. The metallic taste in her mouth and the flow of blood that ran down the back of her throat forcing her to gag.
In a confused haze she pulls herself up, trying to gauge her surroundings. This only adds to her confusion.
Last thing she remembered was running. It had been late when she had gotten home from work. All she had wanted to do was run, breath deep the night air and clear her head of that insufferable ring tone and that loud intrusive laugh of Grace, the office jester.
With her layered make-up and red lipstick which was constantly reapplied, resulting in the rouge creeping up her teeth. Grace reminded Jen of a hyena eating a pig, with her cackling laugh followed by that ridiculous snort.
She shivered, bringing herself back to her confusion. She tried to clear the fog in her mind…. what had happened?
Running, yes that was it.
She had taken the route that bypassed the harbour, the smell of fish from the auction house holding heavy in the air. The last few trawler men nodding in approval at her as she had ran past. Jen knew she could catch their eye, long blonde hair, blue eyes and a figure she had worked hard for. OK she may have put some money in there too, but who cares… everyone was doing it now.
But then something else caught her attention, the alley that went between The Port Pub and The Trinket shop. That’s where she saw the burning ember of a cigarette being risen to an unseen mouth, the dull glow becoming a fiery orange as someone drew deep on it, but that glow was enough for her to see yellow stained teeth, a sneer attached to them that threatened to engulf her. The coil of smoke was exhaled and lost to the darkness and so too was the figure.
Its eyes were still on her, she was unable to pick them out but she could still feel them, it caused a cold sweat to run from her pores. Quickening her pace she took the disused launching road down to the moonlit beach to escape the feeling.
It was then she felt she could relax, the beach gently lit my the moon. The only sound she could hear was of her feet hitting the sand, crunching heavily under her powerful stride.
She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she was not entirely sure when she had noticed the burning ember or had smelt the sickly sweet nicotine ahead of her.
Stopping dead in her tracks she held her breath… it had to be someone else, there was only one way on and off this stretch and that was behind her. Unnerved, she stumbled backwards and fell heavily, hitting her head upon a rock, darkness comes to her fast, it whispers in her ear to sleep and she listens.
Jen is now where she is, terror grips her body as she realises why she is here, where is that figure? She put herself out here, she feels foolish for her own behaviour. The impact of her situation now hits her, her body finds a renewed strength.
She finds her arms, her finger finds a solid buried deep within the sand and her legs find power.
Jen is up, her legs are moving before her mind has caught up… she hears it…
The crunch of sand behind her, it is there, its feet finding a seamless pattern behind her.
Her heart in her throat, the taste of blood still fragrant in her mouth she pushes her body to extremes, her inner voice screams… ” RUN DAMN IT”.
It is upon her, it can smell her fear and taste the blood in the air, Jen is felled….
He takes her, he knows she is now weak, nothing like beautiful in fear.
The terror is now in her eyes as he pins her down, his mouth forced on her lips and his tongue probes for her fear. He has her taste on him now, his tongue now works it’s way across her cheek, looking for her life blood.. he has found it, biting hard on her pulsating neck and the metallic taste of crimson in his mouth encourages his want for her… life is weak, he thinks as his lips lock solid…
He has taken what he needs, what is left of her remains his daemons take. The body he has left is now devoured and consumed in the slithering mass of vile malevolence. He watches over them as they feast on her. Running his finger across his lips where her crimson blood remains he feels triumphant at her soul within him struggling, sneering in the knowledge that she belongs to him now.
This is only the beginning. We watch, we taste, we shall belong again…
On the beach, in her mind and drawing her last breath, Jen hears Grace laugh… like a hyena eating a pig.
Do you see them? All your dreams, can you touch them? Can you say that you have achieved them, or at least a handful?
We are all dreamers, for without our dreams reality would become mundane. What would your day hold if you couldn’t dream? Is it something simple like getting that jacket that you wanted, or really going big and winning the National Lottery?
Are your dreams achievable? Do you wake in the morning and say “Yes! Today is the day my dreams become real”, or do you hit snooze for 30 minutes and only then manage to crack your eyes open a fraction so as to see the light, dragging your way out of bed in a sorrowful state knowing today will be the same as every other. Are you happy in what you do on a daily basis?
No?…. Well change it!
Come on, realistically you have one in a million chance of winning the lottery, so go make your destiny your own! Why define your dreams on chance, make a decision and make them real.
Sir Isaac Newton had an apple fall on his head and dreamt up the Universal Law of Gravitation! His dream was real, the world benefited from a man in a powdered white wig and grey ankle length pants sitting under an apple tree and having fruit hit his head at high velocity.
So, what’s your dream? Do you have in your head the plans of a magnificent invention that will change the course of the world, or in fact the universe. Or is it something personnel, a private goal or achievement.
I’ve asked the question, so what’s your answer? Have you paused yet and said, “Well actually, yes!”. Good! Hold that dream tight.
Why have you not gone forth and conquered that of which you most desire. Do you make excuses? For example, “What would people think?”. Now that seems to be the most common obstruction of what you can and most definitely can do. But, read into that for one moment… the more appropriate stumbling block would be “What would people think, if I failed?”.
It forces me to think of the reasoning behind people putting limitations on themselves. Fear, fear of failure but more importantly of peoples opinions of you failing. Do their opinions really matter? Will what others say and think really impact your life that much?
Only you have the power to change and make those dreams possible, no-one else does. Take your power back, the unknown or known voices and opinions have no right over who or what you are. Invoke yourself with the strength that lies within, wake it up and watch your dreams come true.
Do not be afraid of the greatness that you can become, take a step forward, breath deep and embrace it. Be that dreamer and do what you were truly destined to do.
Remember this, “Call me Dreamer, for my dreams call and my destiny awaits”.
I look forward to seeing you there.