I am safe, I am trusting on our great land. In a life I walked a path that was my own. I saw love lost and lost love. I thread the paths of my ancestors, where tears were shed and … Continue reading
Alone on the cliff top the wind comes to steal her breath, snatching the name that lies dangerously close to be spoken from the lips that cried for him, over and over again.
Silence calls her as tears fall from the hidden spirit, tired of the fight, the unlawful reasons to this beginning, this end, this hell.
‘We know you’, they whisper, ‘Watching, entertaining our chartered lives – Play with us again, allow us to fill you with love so we may strip you bare, wither your beliefs and devour your dreams.’
‘You belong to us, you are ours, come to us so we may feast on your fears and torture you in the glory of the shadows.’
Warmth touches her frozen cheeks, “Who calls me now?” she cries to the howling winds ….
‘I can no longer battle you, my fight has gone. I can not live like this, my hell here is worse then anything that may follow’…………..heat radiates through her head as it is lifted up by unseen forces.
‘Who calls me now’ she screams………
Opening tear stained eyes she struggles to see, blinking and rubbing away the remains of grief, adjusting to gather the broken pixels of the shape that begins to take form before her.
The voices are silenced before this being of light….only his voice now echoes in her head.
‘Fear not the path you are destined to walk. I have known you, because of you I was a greater man, you were my gift, my best friend and my love. Do not despair in the darkness, my light may have dimmed but yours now burns brighter then the sun. You will find me again. I will not leave you, my silence is my presence, my memories are yours…….I will forever be found in you’
Voice shaking as he stands before her she struggles to say the words ‘Why?’…..’Why you, why us?’……..
‘Because my love’, he softly speaks ‘Life holds a greater plan for you, my time had come, life’s plan for me was to love you, I fulfilled that destiny in ways that I never thought possible. Your future lies before you, fill it with more memories, more love ……fill it with you.’
Leaning forward he places a single kiss on her lips, ‘ Do not fear saying my name, I will love you from beyond, always’.
Winds calm, and the storm ceases its destruction……..the image of him begins to fade, the remnants of a smile linger for those last few moments as she says goodbye.
Turning her back on the cliffs and leaving the voices calling in terror………..she pays no heed.
Loving you was my greatest gift, living for us both will be my gift to you.
In her own time, in her own mind, she can be finally free.
Closing her eyes and retreating into a world of infinite possibilities becomes her daily escape.
It is here she utters words that refuse to pass her lips and find form. This is where she can become the person she dreams to be. A warrior of her own heart, marching to a beat that sustains her cherished life.
Questions are always present. Why can I not be this person in my waking world? Why does my strength flee in fear when confrontation battles me? Where do I hide?
Opening her eyes she sees the evening light disappear, the blanket of a dark starry night will cover what is left of the day.
‘Tomorrow will come, a day will happen and my dreams will still be there for me.’
‘There will be a time when I need not close my eyes to dream, what I foretell in my mind will be real’… she sighs.
Until then, tomorrow will waken the days, the nights will darken the land and the stars will shine.
My lady’s dreams will exist.
They are not really afraid and will not abandon her….they will wait, breath and live. Prepared for her destiny, she will be born again.
Lightly running his fingers through her hair he watches her chest raise and fall in a slow methodical manner.
The moment she took the secretarial job in his fathers office he knew he had to have her.
Tentatively running his index finger across her now bare shoulder he reminisces on a history that he has created with her.
It was almost fourteen months ago to the day that he was introduced to Kate, he could initially see his fathers reasoning behind hiring her. She possessed the darkest brown eyes he had ever seen, he felt like he was drowning in liquorice pools when she looked at him, her long raven hair fell softly towards the curve of her back. When he ran his eyes over her exquisitely toned body he had dark thoughts, they forged unintelligible words in his head that would or could not cross his lips.
It was interesting to watch the way they drooled over her, often sitting at his desk he would see their eyes follow Kate across the room, even the other ladies in the office started to dress up more, cover themselves in imitation designer perfumes, and limp around in stiletto heels that made them look like baby elephants on a tight rope.
Tailored well fitted suits were his normal attire for work, they fit his body so as to show his muscular frame bursting from within, slick hair cut on a fortnightly basis and expensive aftershave were his trademarks. He worked as hard on himself as he did in the office, liking things to be clean and organised was always a good thing when you were surrounded by vermin, ones he was forced to be around on a daily basis.
Kate was the first thing he had wanted since Chloe, yes Chloe, she had been very good, he had taken what he needed from her. Missing her was an unfortunate side effect but he had filled his lust with whatever he could have. Paying for services had never been an issue, they ran a business as efficiently as he did and both parties benefited from the transaction.
Keeping his lust for Kate secret in the office was easy, he was far from stupid, paying her as much attention as he did the others gave no signal to his plans.
Sanctioning a staff night at The Manor Pub was always going to work in his favour, his plan was constructed months ago so as he could have his time alone with her. Offering a few hours overtime was just the incentive she needed.
Kate was so lost in her work that she was unaware of his approach from behind, covering her nose and mouth with a chemically soaked rag rendered her unconscious. Moving quickly he lifted her limp figure over his shoulder and swiftly moved towards the service elevator that would take him to the underground car park. It really was terribly unfortunate that vandals had destroyed the surveillance system two nights previous,’ Who would do such a thing?’ he had said to his father.
He bundles her into the back of his five series BMW and covers her slight frame in an old blanket, his movements were perfectly premeditated.
Bringing her home he expertly carries her to his prepared room, using cable ties to bind her to his bed he allowes the chemicals to keep her in a deep slumber. His plan was faultless, it would give him the opportunity to make an appearance at The Manor.
Being forced to smile and pretend he enjoyed their company was painful, but knowing she was waiting for him was truly torturous, his craving for her continued to build but, he was a patient man. Protecting himself was the priority and establishing an alibi took precedence over his desires.
Leaving them when they were sufficiently drunk ensured they would have impaired memories of whom was there, when they left or if they ever actually did.
Kate never regains consciousness, he is a twisted individual, even by his own standards. Enjoying his time on her, he relishes in the cuts that run deep on her now ruined body, running his fingers on the ragged flesh the blade has left behind. He watches as the blood pools on the floor beneath and spreads itself out as if looking for its dieing host.
Laying beside her he listens, her breathing becoming laboured, a gargling rises from somewhere deep within, her chest becomes still as life departs. This is where he truly loves her, but she has left him, just like Chloe.
It has been seven weeks since Kates disappearance, unable to hold her secretarial position open any longer his father has filled it.
The office door opens and a beautiful slim redhead walks in, the vermin all look and he can see their want for her already. Consuming her with his eyes he thinks….. ‘I will be loving you dearest’
Possibly thinking the worst thoughts can be the best thing for you. Create the worst scenario in your mind, close your eyes and play it in all its glory. Watch how bad it truly becomes, focus on the blacks and greys that multiply to engulf you. They make your situation completely hopeless and all your fears warranted.
Have you destroyed your self worth yet? What pit have you shovelled your confidence in?
The creation of your own fears has penetrated the very part that sustains your strength. Your fears…your creative darkened mind…your own incredible self.
We all have the capability of becoming lost in our own darkness. No matter who you are you will have fears, you will encounter bullies and you will walk in those places where your own thoughts torture you.
Learning to open your eyes and gaining respect for yourself can be the longest journey, but realising that you are lost allows you to be found.
It is in our darkest moments that we see the gentle flicker of hope. It will sadly mean that you may need the shadowed spaces to see light. It is here that you will set your roots deep, your strength found, you will grow, renewed by that hope, you shall reach higher and become stronger as you realise that towards the light lies the true you. A celestial storm bringing light to others in darkness.
Trust in yourself, for, although you were covered by that darkness, it was only then that you could see the light.
Behind these eyes I have hidden my true self, I am unapologetic for it because what I hide is all of me. Few will ever get the chance to see me, because the storm of thoughts that lay behind them bring with it a wind of change.
Who is it that will capture these storms and bring rest to these perpetual troubled seas?
Who will catch the lightning, and grasp it so close that the pulse of heat will radiate through their fingers until, the brilliance of light burns my image into their eyes?
I will always hold a storm because this is part of me, the person that will love me will know this.They will know summer when my heart sings,when my eyes flash upon them and dance as I keep that moment forever, imprinted in the great halls of my memory.
They will see the storms and weather through them by my side,they will be my lighthouse and guide me to them when winds howl and seas rage.
For the person that will anchor me through these times, and stand fast in the violent winds I will allow to see the true me. They will see me dance in the summer breeze as the sun blushes my skin, they will hold my heart and hear my spirit sing as my eyes become alive. It is then and only then that they will know the true me.
They will know the passion I possess for all that I love and all that love me, they will see my strength and know I am a force of raw nature hidden within my own storms.
For I am a storm, I am the summer sun and whether my spirit is broken a thousand times I will fight. I will fight with the ferocity of all of nature so that I will always be me, I will be the seasons of the year, ever-changing and forever true to what and whom I really am.
It will be the lighthouse keeper of my heart that will witness this, it will be then that they know that there is no other like me, they will anchor themselves by my side and we will sail into the future.Confident that whatever storms are carried by the winds of change we will weather, forever together.