‘Healing’……what does that word mean to you?
Is it something that requires a bone to be set by doctors, an open wound that needs dressing or just a day in bed to recover from the flu. These all hold a variation of healing that can be treated by modern day medicine and the many skilled and wonderful medical practitioners that we have in society today.
What if your healing requires something that lies within you, wounds that have cut so deep that the internal scars are visible only to you, they leave pain that is only felt by you and that ‘fear’ is a daily reality that can only be dealt with by you.
I believe we have all experienced this, becoming lost in a fog of despair, that feeling of being alone in a crowded room, where all the voices just become noise and you cant block them out. I have struggled at times with these feelings and emotions and I have come out the other side, stronger then I ever thought possible.
My healing began down the route most people take, the doctors office. Sitting in the waiting room surrounded by people that were coughing, pale in colour and obviously sick, then it hit me, these people were really sick!
I was a bit down but in perfect health, which to be honest sitting amongst these people made me feel very much the hypocrite. That was when I began to dread the conversation that lay ahead and how exactly I was going to explain myself. Where the hell was I even going to start?
I feel I need to be honest writing this and tell you truthfully what occurred. I walked into my doctors office and she had only said the words ‘Take a seat.’ and I broke down, I don’t mean dabbing away a tear or two I mean I cried harder then I ever remember, torrents of tears that left me unable to utter a single word, I couldn’t breathe I gasped for air and tried desperately to gain my composure in front of this concerned looking lady. Without a sound she brought me a glass of water and said ‘ Its ok, everything will be fine.’ The relief! Someone saw that I just needed to release, to cry to just completely let myself show. I don’t actually remember the entire conversation but I do remember the mind numbing headache I had leaving that evening. I genuinely left that day with a sense of ‘Hey girl, you started this now bloody finish it.’, and I did.
I took my doctor’s advice and sought a confident to entrust with my feelings, issues I really didn’t know were bothering me but turned out to be roots of things that had grown out of my control.
I avoided medication because it really wasn’t something I wanted to do, my doctor was supportive of me making this choice, not all are but she took the time to get to know me and knew that shunning meds was the right choice for me. I have been particularly lucky in having wonderful partner that supports and loves me without question and two friends that I trust with my life.
Amongst one conversation I had with my confident she gave me a piece of advice that has stuck with me since, ‘You need to learn to quieten your mind.’ and that was my eureka moment. I took up yoga and fell in love with the peace it brought to me.
This time when I was in a crowded room I did not feel alone, I felt very much a part of it. I was and am fortunate to have wonderful yoga teachers and people that take part in this wonderful practice.
I pulled out all my books and beloved crystals that had been packed away many years ago and once again found my love of healing, meditation and spirit. I have even began taking courses (and gained certification) to support my love and practice of healing and spirituality, I am busy now in the best way possible.
It has taken me some time to once again find myself and it was because I asked for help. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to feel vulnerable and do not feel you are the only one goes through this, you are never alone.
What I have learned is this, don’t consider your life to exist inside a box, to be kicked around when others may feel you are in their way or shelved when they don’t need you. Why should your existence depend on others happiness? You are beautiful, I really mean it… strong, beautiful and unafraid. Take a step into your storm, the clouds will eventually blow away and seas will calm, the sun will shine only for you, it’s then that you will truly enjoy your journey.